Vaguely newsworthy nonsense

Every now and then the great fountain of knowledge that is the GDN spews forth a little nugget of amusement under the guise of news. For example, today a story entitled 'Funds blow tocorniche facelift plan' demonstrated:

a.) The sheer idiocy of municipal councillors and

b.) The GDN's remarkably inept excuse for journalism

For over a year there's been talk of a massive revamp to the dimly lit pointlessness that is the AlFateh corniche. Work was allegedly scheduled to start in July, at a cost of BD8 million, to turn the urban beachfront into "a family development, in which families come first, and not a place where bachelors hang out at their expense".

There was just one problem. One tiny little hiccup. Funds. You see, in all the hullabaloo about thehubbly bubblies, the people with the 'plan' didn't actually secure funding. It turns out that to execute an eight million dinar project, you need about eight million dinars.

It's okay though, because the Manama Municipal Council has a plan. They're going to offer up parts of the corniche for investment to help generate income for the project. The project that is supposed to start in a couple of weeks. Genius.

And now for some 'reporting', courtesy of the GDN:

"The municipality doesn't know from where it would get the money, it only knows that it would lease parts of the development to investors," said council services and public utilities committee chairman Sadiq Rahma.

"It is easy to come up with a timeframe, by saying that work would start in July next year and take up to three years, but I don't know how work can go ahead without funding.

"This project is something that everyone is looking for, considering that it is the most popular seafront for bachelors, couples and families in the country.

"I don't know why municipality officials are willing to announce the project when the issue of coffee shops there is still not solved."

Fantastic stuff. So not only do they not have money, they have unsolved issues. Namelyshisha. The coffee shops on the corniche that serve shisa are apparently doing so illegally, or not, depending on how you interpret the GDN:

Licensed coffee shops at the corniche are currently operating without up-to-date contracts, as many refused to sign new ones when they were banned from serving sheesha.

The new law was issued in July last year, although the decision was reversed a few days later. If the decision was reversed a few days later, the new law would be a dead law, would it not? I am really confused.

"These coffee shops will be closed down to pave way for the development, whenever the municipality comes up with a serious timeframe for work," said Mr Rahma.

"Owners of coffee shops wishing to continue in the new development are welcome, but withoutsheesha being served.

"What we have in mind is a family development, in which families come first, and not a place where bachelors hang out at their expense.

"We are not saying bachelors shouldn't enjoy seafronts, but attracting them with sheesha is wrong."

As we all know, shisha is bad, because it is what bachelors do, and bachelors are bad, because they are not married, which is totally gay. Tobacco is not the hardest thing to make a strong argument against. They could've gone with the whole 'it'll fucking kill you' argument which seems to be gaining a bit of traction these days, but instead they went for the whole 'it attracts bachelors' approach.

It's all over the place. First he said it was the most popular seafront for bachelors, couples and families in the Kingdom. Then he said it was going to be a family development and 'not a place where bachelors hang out at their expense.' So bachelors are welcome, but not really, because they are a nuisance to families. What about couples? Is a couple technically a family in the eyes of the Municipal Council? How old do you have to be to no longer qualify as a teenager and fall into the dreaded 'bachelor' category?

I hate the GDN. I learnt nothing whatsoever from this story. In fact, I think I know less now than I did before I read it. Instead of asking questions, the reporters are content to scribble down the pointless utterances of absolutely anyone and print them, word for bloody word, to fill up space between overpriced advertisements and press releases about air conditioning. Or fridges.

In capable hands this story could have been used to unravel the idiocy of yet another institution of our 'democracy'. These people with considerable power and limitless opinion are allowed to plan multi-million dinar projects without actually figuring out where the money is coming from, and we are paying their salaries. Should the press not be horrified?

And amidst all the talk of Family Tourism, has anyone actually defined the term? No. Family Tourism is good because, according to the CEO of the EDB in an interview with none other that the Wall Street Journal, 'there is a higher spend per person'.

"We'd like to move away from the bachelor tourism to family tourism, where there is a higher spend per person"

Sounds like an assumption to me. How is this 'spend' calculated? Obviously there would be a higher spend per person, because that person would likely be shelling out for the entertainment of their entire family. But is that really a justifiable quantification? Family tourism is predominantly regional. In most of these instances, one person pays for everything including the hotel, the shopping, the cinema tickets and whatever else. When they imply that Family Tourism has a higher spend per person, does that mean that the head of a family spends more than a vacationing bachelor? If so, DUH. If not, fuck off. Either way, your statistics mean nothing to me unless I actually get to see them.

Surely alienating an entire, demonstrably profitable target market in favour of nothing more than an idiotic assumption borders on the criminal. Now I'm angry, and I blame the GDN.