It's been a while since I did myself the displeasure of attempting to read anything on the Ministry of Information's one and only Bahrain News Agency website. But, against my better judgement, I clicked on a link to a story that sounded like it'd be jam packed full of nonsensical goodness. And it was. So here it is.
The block capitals belong to the BNA, cut and pastified from their 'website'. The bold italics are all mine. Enjoy.
BAHRAIN NATIONAL MUSIC IN OCTOBER
Next October? Does that mean October 2010?
THE FESTIVAL WILL BE HELD AT THE CULTURAL HALL NEAR BAHRAIN NATIONAL MUSEUM WITH THE PARTICIPATION OF GULF AND INTERNATIONAL MUSIC BANDS TO ENTERTAIN THE AUDIENCE WITH LOVE, BEAUTY AND PEACE SONGS AND MUSIC.
Awesome... I love beauty and peace songs and music. It's so much better than ugly and war songs and music, don't you think?
THE FESTIVAL, SINCE ITS FIRST INCEPTION ON SEPTEMBER 26, 1992, HAS PLAYED A VITAL ROLE IN THE GROWING CULTURE AND ARTS ARENAS IN BAHRAIN AND STOOD AS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT MUSIC ACTIVITIES IN THE GULF.
Yeah. It's like really, totally popular, and millions of people flock to our Kingdom to enjoy the 'beauty and peace songs and music'. Every year, since 1992, when dinosaurs roamed the earth and Bahrain invented happiness.
THE MUSIC FESTIVALS WHICH WORLD PEOPLES CELEBRATE REPRESENT SUITABLE OCCASIONS FOR PEOPLES AND CIVILIZATIONS TO MEET AND BUILD BRIDGES OF ACCULTURATION, SPECIALLY THAT MUSIC IS A FORM OF INTERNATIONAL LANGUAGE.
Ladies and gentlemen... a lesson in sentence construction from the Ministry of Information. 'World peoples', because they are better than, well, aliens. So, the world peoples celebrate music festivals, and these music festivals are 'suitable occasions' for people to get together and try to love one another right now. Hey, I think I just infringed me a copyright. Woo hoo. Maybe the BNA just got the lyrics to 'Get Together', used Google Translate (they blocked it to keep it all to themselves), and after translating the English lyrics to German, then Dutch, Swahili, Arabic and then Back to English, we got ourselves this 'story'. And if music is a form of 'International Language' (lets not even get into the 'Specially'), surely all music would be 'blocked for violating the laws and regulations of the Kingdom of Bahrain'. Just Like Google Translate.
THE CULTURE AND HERITAGE SECTOR SEIZES THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXTEND THANKS AND APPRECIATION OF BROTHERLY AND FRIENDLY COUNTRIES' EMBASSIES, MINISTRIES AND ESTABLISHMENTS FOR THE SUPPORT THEY OFFERED TO THE ORGANIZERS.
What's a nice bit of news without some good ol' fashioned ass kissing?
And that's that. Don't y'all feel enlightened. It's really nice to see the positive impact Shaikha Mai's had since she took over the Ministry of Informativeness. I suppose the news would be important, if it didn't keep getting in the way of her dictatorial pointlessness. Do you think she's ever even seen the BNA website? EVER?
Come-on, for people that lived for a while there is a certain nostalgic charm on the format they use - think its from last century or at least derived from TELEX machines (the stuff used little holes on a string of paper, and number of characters was pretty limited, that's why it's all uppercase.
ReplyDeleteBut never understood those 'cables of good wishes' being exchanged here and there -the 'cable' is the stuff that replaced the pigeons isn't it?
That was so funny.
ReplyDeleteYou should make a special show that makes fun of the BNA.
This is hilariously funny!!!
ReplyDelete"Surely all music would be 'blocked for violating the laws and regulations of the Kingdom of Bahrain'. Just Like Google Translate."
ReplyDeleteLoved THAT line.
I just thank God the Reflux Rock and Alternative Festival didn't get canceled like bloody Palace Inn.
Though it did end badly, but still having a concert that ended badly is better than having a concert that gets canceled after a few songs.
As for this Love and Peace whatever festival, why the fuck do they even bother? The World Peoples wouldn't even bother because they're actually busy with their own lovely peaceful (not) lives, so how the hell would they celebrate something that they don't even have in their own lives?
lol i love this, nice comments, and so true xD
ReplyDeletexD hahha
oh and i jst read emz's comments
yess i agree on wat u said
greetings from a "world human"
Dear sir, Following on from our earlier conversations we would like to advise you that our new FDN is out.
ReplyDeleteKind regards,
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