STOP SHOUTING

If anyone was ever unfortunate enough to stumble upon the Kingdom of Bahrain's official news agency's website (www.bna.bh), they'd be forgiven for thinking Bahrain was a backward, angry country. Everything, every single bloody release, is IN CAPITAL LETTERS. Nothing is ever remotely interesting, let alone newsworthy, but every now and then a chunk of quoteworthy pointlessness emerges. 

Now is one of those times. As I attempted to trapse through this wonderful piece of journalistic awesomness my head started to pound and then I started to laugh. Here are some excerpts for your entertainment. The CAPS are theirs, the underlining and boldification is all mine. 

First, the intro (so you know what they be talkin 'bout):

MANAMA, APRIL 11 (BNA) UNDER THE PATRONAGE OF THE MINISTER OF CULTURE AND INFORMATION SHAIKHA MAI BINT MOHAMMED AL KHALIFA THE INTERNATIONAL FEDERATION FOR JOURNALISTS OFFICE IN BAHRAIN WAS OFFICIALLY OPENED.... Blah blah blah. (In capital letters, naturally).... 

And now, some o' the good stuff: 

SHAIKHA MAI IN HER ADDRESS AT THE EVENT PRAISED THE STEP ACHIEVED AFFIRMING THE STANDARD OF JOURNALISM AND THE DEMOCRATIC EXPRESSION  WITHIN THE ATMOSPHERE OF REFORM WHICH THE MINISTRY SUPPORTS THROUGH TRANSPARENCY AND ETHICAL PRINCIPLES. 

Translation: Ministry Awesome, Democracy Good. Hi five!

THE MINISTER ALSO EXPRESSED HER OPTIMISM RELATED TO FURTHER OPENING HORIZONS OF THE RIGHTS OF COMMUNICATION AND EXCHANGE OF INFORMATION AND THE DEMOCRACY OF MEDIA. SHE INDICATED THAT THEIR WAS A TRUE AND SERIOUS MOVE TO TREAT ISSUES THAT CRIPPLE THE FLOW OF EXCHANGE OR DISRUPT THE ETHICS OF THE PROFESSION. 

Translation: What censorship? Everything in our shiny Kingdom is hunky dory, and it's getting better. Honestly.

SHAIKHA MAI ALSO AFFIRMED THE MINISTRY'S PUSH TOWARDS FURTHER FREEDOM OF PRESS AS PART OF THE GENERAL FREEDOMS WHICH NEEDS EXPANSION AND GET RID OF ALL ADMINISTRATIVE AND LEGAL OBSTACLES TO PRACTICE THIS PROFESSION ON A STRONG BASIS....

Translation: Despite being as super-awesome as we currently are, we'll do our best to make ourselves even super-awesomer, even though we really dont have to. 

It goes on and on and on. Read more if you dare. My head hurts too much.